Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
