Do you still have your period?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
