Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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