We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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