you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
