If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
