Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We're facebook friends in real life
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
