Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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