how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
