whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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