Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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