i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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