Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
