This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
