Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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