oh god the rape fog is back!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
