1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
