They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
BRING THE BAGELS
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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