While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
