You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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