I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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