Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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