there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
