At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
