Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
