i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
