swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
