Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
