ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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