Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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