You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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