nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
