I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
