I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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