I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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