Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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