well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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