my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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