i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
