Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
