I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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