is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
