Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize