So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
