found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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