i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
