would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
