Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Girls should come with a carfax report
two words: eviction party
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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