you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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