hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
