There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
