HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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