Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
