someone threw a dead crab at me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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