why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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