flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
