my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
