Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
