I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
