i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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