Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
