I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
