I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
