Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
