I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
