I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
