I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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