I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
