Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize