wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
