Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
