went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
