my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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