I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
