do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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