I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize