Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
