Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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