She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
