Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
