thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It's Friday. Sex?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
