Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
