Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
