hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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