just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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