birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
