I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
