I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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