I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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