Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
