So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
