She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize