I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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