Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
