Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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