So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
