Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
