So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize